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When What Used to Matter Stops Mattering

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When I read a recent interview with Josh Homme, of Queens of the Stone Age, something struck me. He was talking about leaving behind what no longer serves — not in a dramatic way, not as a story of reinvention, but as a matter-of-fact reality of lived life. Things he used to care about, patterns he used to repeat, no longer held weight. And yet the next step wasn’t visible, wasn’t certain. There’s a strange place like that — where the old life feels hollow, familiar habits feel flat, and the things that used to matter simply don’t. You can’t go back. You can’t chase. You can only move forward in the quiet of your own presence. It isn’t dramatic. It isn’t heroic. It’s just real. It’s the work of noticing: this is what’s over, this is what I’ve carried long enough, and here is the space where the next thing will meet me — when it’s ready. Sometimes, the feeling is boredom. Sometimes, it’s restlessness. Sometimes, it’s that flat ache you can’t explain. That’s exactly the point. Th...
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When You Meet Someone Who Dissociates - And You Don’t Know It

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There is a particular kind of disorientation that happens when you are with someone and, without warning, the person you are speaking to is no longer there. Nothing dramatic announces it. No confession, no label. Something simply shifts. The eyes change. The posture rearranges itself. The tone of voice moves sideways. Time loses continuity. At first, you may not know what is going on. Maybe you misheard? You find yourself speaking into a space where the person you were just with no longer has access to what was happening moments before. This is not inner conflict, or mood, or defensiveness. This is dissociation. It can be quite disorienting to witness. From the outside, it may feel like this: You are suddenly alone in the room while someone else is still present. You feel responsible for continuity that no longer exists. Your body becomes alert before your mind can explain why. You experience confusion without a story to attach it to. The most destabili...
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The Body as Threshold

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If a threshold is something you cross, the body is where you feel it before you think it. Most language about thresholds talks as if they are moments: an edge, a crisis, a turning point. That is surface talk. The real threshold is somatic. It is not something you decide to cross. It is something the body signals first, long before the story catches up. For men, this is usually the part that gets skipped. What “body as threshold” actually looks like 1. The body does not announce transition. It signals it. This shows up as tension in unexpected places, fatigue or wakefulness without explanation, appetite changes, pressure or temperature shifts, or aches that are not injury but adjustment. The body is not malfunctioning. It is negotiating an internal boundary. 2. The mind wants meaning. The body wants space. Men are trained to interpret, explain, and decide. Thresholds are not about meaning. They are about capacity. Before decisions come sensations: breath restriction...
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When Authority Collapses But Structure Remains

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Authority and structure are often confused, but they are not the same thing. Authority is carried by figures, roles, narratives, and permissions. Structure is carried by rhythm, limits, form, and consequence. When authority collapses, it does not always announce itself. More often, it simply stops functioning. The person no longer convinces. The role no longer contains. The explanation no longer resolves tension. What once organised behaviour loses weight. For many men, this produces urgency. The instinct is to replace authority quickly: another leader, another system, another explanation. The pressure to “fix” the absence is strong, because authority has often acted as a proxy for orientation. But collapse of authority does not necessarily mean collapse of order. Structure frequently remains intact. The body still knows how to stand and work. Time still requires sequencing. Tasks still have edges. Care still needs to be applied correctly. What disappears is not...
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Bipolar Hypomania Also As Physical Illness

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Originally posted by Neal Reid on his Facebook account on December 13, 2025. Shared here with his permission. Bipolar hypomania is generally thought to be a mental illness, and rightly so, but it's also a very physical illness. Anthony and I have had the same illness, a chesty and lingering virus. He was more or less laid up for two weeks, with a hacking cough, no energy and brain fog. He's himself again, but it was a horrible couple of weeks for him. By comparison, until now, I had one day off work more than two weeks ago. I've had days here and there where I felt worse, but I've largely felt energetic and cheerful. This is an illusion. I've had a hacking cough most days, but I don't even feel that as I should. There's no lingering pain in my chest, as there should be, it's just been annoying. I still don't feel that bad, but I'm pretty ill and need to rest and recover. My brain says otherwise, but I have to listen to my body. Psychiatri...
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Nothing Is Being Asked of You Right Now

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There are moments in a man’s life when no decision is required. No move. No response. No fixing. This is one of those moments. If nothing is being asked of you right now, the practice is not to invent a task. The practice is to stay coherent. Coherence looks like: keeping your body warm eating something simple resting without guilt not escalating your inner narrative Stabilisation is not passivity. It is restraint applied with intelligence. If pressure appears, check whether it is external or self-generated. If it is self-generated, let it pass. Nothing is being asked of you right now. That is not a failure. It is information. Stay with what is here. [image:Seçil Erel - Coherence Blue and Yellow, 2024] Contact Us | Sessions | Maps & Readings | Entries | Who I Am Share this post: Facebook | LinkedIn | WhatsApp | Bluesky | Mastodon
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When the Arrow Becomes a Body - The Art of Listening

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There comes a moment in every life when the aim you have carried for years arrives not as an idea, not as a plan, not as hope, but as a feeling that settles in the chest. Not before. Not after. At the edge where presence stops pushing and deep attention begins. This is not a destination. It is a stance. It is not something you manifest. It is something you say yes to when the compass in your body finally stops turning toward every distraction. The Listening Room isn’t about strategy. It is about felt experience: the warmth of breath the distance between the ribs and the word “enough” the silence that isn’t void but resonance Men who come here don’t come because life has been dramatic. They come because their internal geometry is asking for clarity. Not narrative, not advice, not fixing. They come when: language drops into the body first truth no longer lives as an idea but as sensation presence outlives urgency the next step is felt before it’s thought...
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